Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Wrath of the Deans

SO - this is the story.  A student (let's call him Brad Pitt Grover) begins a campaign of pranks - satirical student guides, posters, Craigslist ads, and bulletin board notices intended to poke fun at issues related to the law school's reputation (do you know it is not very good?) and a tendency to sort of, you know, ignore students.  But why go to the trouble?  More after the jump!

Well.... aren't you curious about how much money the law school brings in and how little it pays out in the form of student aid, faculty and support salaries, and jobs that don't involve bussing tables?  Perhaps you'd like to know how many 3Ls have firm offers, or how many grads are employed in the legal profession (and not the Crying Themselves To Sleep profession).  Maybe you'd just like to know how to accessorize the giant pile of debt you have hanging over you.  Grover had all the same questions!  And he thought of that an way to get answers!  Shame the powers that be into being more open!

But guess what?  They weren't ashamed!  Or amused!  Or aware of the gap between the school's constant harping on ethics and zealous advocacy of principles versus a general administrative desire to ignore, deflect, and shut down sources of criticism.  They were mad! You see, nobody likes being criticized! 

You're just as ugly on the inside as you are on the outside, and you were quite ugly on the outside to begin with.  Not to mention you're head is too big for your body and your skin looks like the inside of a banana peel.  Stop breathing through your mouth already, because your breath smells like you just ate a box of kitty litter.  And you're dumb.

See?  Criticism hurts!  Even if it's meant to help you with your bad breath, weird skin, and giant, pork-chop shaped skull.  SOMETIMES HELPING HURTS.

Well, in an attempt to help the law school with some criticism (involving a plaque dedicated to Sal DiMasi, the 4th Floor men's room, and a sign advertising the latter elements connected to a 130db anti-theft alarm), Feelings Were Hurt.  And maybe Ears.  The Cheka Suffolk Police sent a crack team of investigators out to find out who did it, relying on footage from the cameras on the 4th floor (stop picking your nose on you way to the cafeteria - they're watching!) to harass some faculty members and find Grover, who was being very embarrassing.  Not this kind of embarrassing.  Or this kind of embarrassing.  Different embarrassing!

And so they shook down a professor who in turn informed on Grover, and sent a message through that poor, water-boarded academic (tenure does not prevent torture):  They Want a Sit-Down. 

So that's the current news from Grover.  He's holed up in a safe house, waiting for the sound of jackboots and wingtips in the hallway. Although really, he's probably going to be fine.  There's no way the school would discipline him now!  Because he was standing up for the ideals they taught him to honor!  Because he was willing trying to help out his peers!  Because it didn't seem like the school was paying attention and now they are!  Okay, that's all bullshit.  They're probably not going to boot him until he's paid next semester's tuition.  Because a good lawyer always gets paid.

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