Tuesday, June 10, 2014

A Second Amendment Primer

Now that we've had the 74th shooting at a school since Newtown (an admittedly esoteric stat that can get filed under WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?), the staff here thinks you need a quick update on the Amendment that might be second but is TRYING SO HARD you guys.   It's also the one that every guy in a sleeveless Tapout tee claims to know like he's a hillbilly Posner.  Sometimes you meet these guys at a cocktail party/lynching and really want to chat them up.  Here are some tips.

  • The Text (for when you're looking for something to compliment that Gadsden Flag that's covering up the swastika tat you gave yourself in juvi):
    • A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.
      • NOTE:  Nobody cares
  • Some Law:
  • Smart People Doing Smart Things With All of This:
    • Texas Open Carry :  A fun group to join if your expression of personal freedom falls on the harassment side of things.
    • Sovereign citizens: The intellectual equivalent of a junior high Student Council if the nerds and overachievers were ousted by the guys who hung out in the autobody shop to be closer to auto-grade nitrous. 
    • The Bundy Ranch:  In case you were wondering, this is where "Liberty lives."  And she's not getting away.  Ever.
  • What Some Crotchety Old Men Think:
Now you're a gun expert!  Use this knowledge to spread reason wherever you go.  Or to scare liberals.  

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